What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 01:03
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But, we were locked up after school.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
How do I build rapport with anybody?
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why can't they repair the damage caused by Elon Musk renaming Twitter to X?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I have no regrets .
What is your twin flame story?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
How do you emotionally react to when others seem to feel sorry for you?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
When she asked me how she looked .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What is your review of X-Men '97 season 1?
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She married twice! .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
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It was going to be , some day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Women like what they hear while men like what they see, it that true?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was in good health!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was 9 years of age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was scared of men, in general
My family never makes their pension either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She found it foreign!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
(And it was in our own minds.)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i lived it daily.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I will be 64.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She loved him until the end.
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He knew the spot.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
All the time i was locked up.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it wasn’t much.
We were not on the streets..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One cannot live in the past .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why did i forgive my father ?